Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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