I met the friendliest cop last night
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Walk of Shame today included voting.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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