Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This baby is an asshole
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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