I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
