I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just gift wrapped bread.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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