wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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