these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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