dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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