i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
