You work out of a Hotel?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
