I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
