just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
