I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
