I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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