Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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