Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
