please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
