That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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