Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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