It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
