Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
