He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
