I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
