absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
