Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
