Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
