I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
