Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
