My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
