Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
