I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
