I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
