Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
