we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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