do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
