just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
