She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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