i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
