the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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