Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
