ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
