i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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