dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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