oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
