just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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