Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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