I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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