now i know why i became what i already was.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
