my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
