the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
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I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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