why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
