Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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