Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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