you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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