I'm really into asian looking animals
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
