I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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