I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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