...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
