dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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