I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
