did you get engaged???
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
