i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
