pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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