Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
