You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
