I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
