eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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