I'm drive I can fine osifer
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
