remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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