i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
