I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
