i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
