Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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