Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
