either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
