Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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