I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
