tell your sister to shave her snatch
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
