I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
