He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
