dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
