i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
