at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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