I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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