Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
