Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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