I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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