I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
